By Now You Should Know I Handle Heartbreaking Truths Best Through a Vain Parody
The man next to me on the plane is worried.
I stole his beverage napkin to dry my eyes and snotty nose and now he won’t stop staring. He didn’t even need it really, the flight attendant gave him two and it seemed like a daunting task to attempt a polite request while trying not to look like a blubbering, emotional head case.
Anyway Judy, that’s the flight attendant, just walked by and he whispered something in her ear though I didn’t catch it with my head staying turned, glued to the window as if the next cluster of clouds approaching will be different from the last 100 miles.
I feel his concerned stare and furrowed brow fearing that soon he will tap my shoulder to see if I am alright.
“Of course I’m alright,” I might answer. “haven’t you ever seen a beautiful girl cry?!” Sheesh, I mean I get it, we are most often seen parading down a west coast beach with the wind in our hair, perfect cleavage bouncing in the sunlight
with an air of confidence (straddling the line of obnoxious)following us down the shore…
But that was yesterday!
I can’t fault him for his morbid curiosity I guess but c’mon, just because I’m ridiculously good looking and witty doesn’t mean I’m exempt from unrequited love, or sad rushes of nostalgia. Oh yes, I’m just as succeptable to unrealistic hopes of an even more unrealistic reunion,as the next person.
Being gorgeous hasn’t saved me from the last year of avoiding painful memories from vanilla scented, air mattress sleeping, puppy training days. I havent yet been able to resist the paralyzing affect of Life in Mono, and who knows; maybe I never will.
Sweet Judy just brought me tissues and a water saying it would be another 2 hours before our initial descent into Atlanta. I always feel like people can read my mind when I’m upset and she seemed to look at me empathetically as if to say, “I know dear; its tough with a complex inability to let go of the past but try to get some sleep”
She’s probably right.
A little sleep would be good right now, I think to myself while leaning into the window staring vacantly down at the green and brown landscapes. And quite frankly a nice break from aimlessly wishing we could somehow Find Each Other in the Dark…