Little Italy Boston: I’d Be Able To Act More Interested If I Knew You Were Paying The Tab

by SJP

“Do you ladies wanna see a picture of my turtles?” 

Before I explain this situation, let me just say that I don’t really have an opinion on  turtles because they’re boring.  Since I don’t prowl around Pet Smart on the weekends like this guy probably did, I’ve never met one, so I have nothing bad to say about them.  I mean I personally don’t want one in my house because I don’t live in an acquarium but I’m sure they are great pets if you don’t care about getting laid

But you know what?  The real important thing to note here is that my best friend and I really racked up a tab at this bar; you see what I’m saying?  We ordered a bottle of Chianti and shared a plate of Bucatini Amatriciana.  We had Calamari with marinara to start and homemade meatballs; we ordered a fresh side of parmesan cheese for a few bucks extra and didn’t hesitate to skip dessert for Sangria.  So…basically we were looking at, give or take, an $80 dollar bar tab.

In the scope of difficult decisions, this by far, was epic.  I was faced with a monumental situation that could easily affect the remainder of my vacation.  Paying that check on my own could have hindered the purchase of a dress or two in the remaining days of our trip.  We might have had to skip shopping to afford food! I had to think about my vacation.  My budget. My happiness! It was either pay the tab with my own money or flirt over turtle photos and likely get our evening expenses taken care of.

There was really nothing left for me to do. I made an executive decision and candidly cocked my head to the side with a smile, clasped my hands over my heart in genuinely fake sentiment and said,

Awwwwwww, I love turtles!”

Yeah, I did it.  I lied about my love for animals to get ahead.  I gave that man false ideas about my interest for “Karen” and “Oliver” the turtles to avoid paying for our food.  So what?  Do you really think I’d let an expensive bill and turtles stand in my way of free.  

No.

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