I Make Narcissistic Personality Disorder Look Good.

by SJP

Fortunately, when my Colombian Boyfriend decided to say I Love You the other day, it was in the mix of several other sentences that easily got massacred by his accent.  His accent, to say the least, is a little strong.  If I get lost trying to watch Taco Bell commercials, you can imagine how many times a day I stare blankly and smile at him during conversation. 

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not afraid of love.  Some people don’t have the capacity to feel love, and so they avoid vulnerable moments or reject the emotion all together.  That, however, is not me!  I don’t fear giving love; I actually have a lot of it to offer.  In fact, I’m in a constant state of loving all day long.

I love my hair; how the amber hues pop in the sun light and when it lays perfectly  draping my face like velvet treatments, fit for Versailles, holding a window together. I love how big my blue eyes are and how lucky I am to go without fake eyelashes every day. I love my Black Satin Chanel nail polish that never chips, matching famously with my knee high boots and when the sexy Atlanta news anchor comes on in the morning how feels like he’s speaking to me personally.  Whew!  As you can see, I’m no stranger to love!

But this was different.  It’s been over a year since anyone told me they loved me.  I felt nervous and uncomfortable.  What if he was lying and this whole thing was a joke?  The last time someone told me they loved me he dragged me to Atlanta and then dumped me 543 times!  I don’t think I can handle rejection again if this wasn’t for real.  Surely I’d crawl in a hole from embarrassment, lose my precious good looks, have bad hair days and revert to a life of solitude and NEVER DATE AGAIN! I was freaking out a little. Just a little. But then, I had a fucked up thought.  I let my fears take the back seat and contemplated more on the idea of love and sure enough, it gave way to some excitement.  Love, I thought myself, can actually be a beautiful thing when given by the right person. 

Love, true love, in its purest form, is jewelry!  It shines and sparkles, making you feel cherished in only the way a Ruby diamond could.  Love is a David Yurman on Tuesday afternoon “just because”, it’s Lemon Citrine earrings around the Holidays, and tennis bracelets after a few good months! If my Colombian Boyfriend truly loved me, there had to be jewelry somewhere behind this romantic confession.  He has excellent taste too, so I knew whether he chose a necklace, ring, or bracelet—it would be fabulous.  I fidgeted on the couch, sitting upright, crossing my legs; positioning myself perfectly to receive a gift in my lap. I faced him, bracing myself for both my response and the sparkling present that was probably under a pillow, hiding in Jackson’s mouth, or something creative like that. 

“I LOVE YOU TOO!” I almost yelled it.  I was nervous and excited, it felt funny. I looked like a Miss America winner with that weird smile that’s both in shock and happy, just standing there receiving her praise.  I was eager to say it back.  I wanted to get past the awkward talking part and straight to the jewelry accepting “Oh my gaaaawd you shouldn’t have!” scene. 

 I waited. 

My eyes scanned the room as I sat still with my Colombian Boyfriend wondering what the holdup was.  Maybe Jackson would get up with a little velvet box attached to his collar and I could pretend to be surprised?  Perhaps he was just a little nervous about giving me jewelry, so he was stalling?  And then it happened.  He did what he had planned to do after telling me he loved me. 

My Colombian Boyfriend reached over, and hugged me.

(Pause for anti-climatic let down)

Yup.  We hugged.  It wasn’t a gemstone encrusted hug, it wasn’t an expensive hug, and it wasn’t cause for a phone photo to upload on facebook to make people jealous. It was just a hug

Sigh.  It technically was pretty nice and there are two important things to take from this experience. 

  1.  I was being foolish about the whole thing; the hug was great and so is he. Trust me, I now realize how incredibly grateful I should be that someone decided to overlook my hideously shallow personality and love me despite my flaws.  And I do feel lucky.
  2. I owe my Colombian Boyfriend an apology for being ignorant and I should know better than to act like that.  It was wrong of me to expect jewelry right now, so soon.  It’s only October, Christmas is still a couple months away!