I Don’t Make a Turkey, I Make a Reservation!

by SJP

You know, I too, would love to spend several days preparing for a Thanksgiving feast.  I’d like to be one of those women who spend hours in the grocery store, meticulously picking cranberry sauces, glazed chutney’s, assorted cheeses and meats.  I could put on a ruffled apron, lock myself away in the kitchen to preheat ovens, mince garlic, and cut vegetables.  I could welcome family, pour them a glass of wine, and make them “feel at home,” before I enter a dining room full of tapestries and centerpieces, waltzing around the table with a platter full of Turkey that I slaved over.  It sounds so lovely, doesn’t it? It sounds gratifying to be able to provide for your loved ones, and I suppose I could do that…but I’m far too busy for it!

A girl like me, with so much on her plate, really hasn’t the time to loiter around in grocery stores and kitchens. I mean it’s crazy, I don’t know how I fit all the commitments in my agenda as it is.  I have to spend hours working on my looks, which as you all know, such a losing battle can really take up the entire day.  And that’s not even including the time it takes to commute from one medical spa appointment to the other!  Then I have to stimulate my mind by reading Miss Piggy’s Autobiography, which can take up a lot of time too because there aren’t explanatory pictures. Reading is very important because I believe we girls shouldn’t have the looks and then a mind that goes to waste from all the anesthesia! By the end of the day, I’m exhausted.  I couldn’t possibly squeeze in one more good deed if God himself begged me pretty please with a cherry on top.

So you see, there’s no possible way to make dinner in my flat this Holiday season or ever. What a pity!  I’ll be forced to dress myself to the nine’s for a fancy Thanksgiving dinner at The Ritz, where the Champagne will flow and wait staff at our beck and call.  It’s a little less than upsetting to think I won’t be able to enjoy a home cooked meal, but instead be forced to feast on untraditional but luscious options like escargot and Salmon croquettes while a round fellow in a tuxedo plays the piano.  How ever will I manage?  Sigh.  Somehow, through my fine dining 4 course meal, I hope to keep the seasonal tradition alive and be thankful just the same.  Wish me luck.

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