3 Cheers for No More Years

by SJP

After my breakup last night it was hard to feel anything but heartache.  I guess that’s normal when someone throws away a year and a half’s worth of love and time together for promiscuous sex.  When I finally picked myself up off the kitchen floor I got to thinking how there’s something about realizing when someone doesn’t love me anymore, that makes me want to drink the fuck out of some expensive Champagne!  Yeah, I’m not sure why either, maybe it like, helps the rejection go down a little smoother or something?  Either way, I did feel some gratitude when I remembered the bottle I had chilling in the fridge.

Except I should really be thanking the guy I met several months ago that bought me the nice bottle of Champagne.  So I did, I thought to myself, “Thank you Meaningless Lunch Date Guy; I’m so glad to still have this Vueve Clicquot that I was saving for a special occasion- like a visit from the now former love of my life, but since he’s going to be very busy whoring it up I’ll just drink the shit now.”

As if the juxtaposition of drinking Champagne while crying wasn’t ridiculous enough, I decided to do it at a stranger’s house.  I’m not good with bottles and corks and shit anyway so when “Guy with a Girlfriend” offered to keep me company, and open the bottle, I went to his apartment.   It was a nice distraction; I got to tune out whatever the hell he was saying about his own relationship problems and wonder if I would ever meet someone I’d want to kiss more than the person I just lost.

It was really a morbidly amusing evening.  I mean you have to laugh, right?  Champagne is for celebrating and I’d hardly call being dumped for another girl, a cause for celebration.  But like I always say; there are two types of people in this world: Those who drink expensive Champagne after a breakup, and ingrates.