I’d Rather Listen to the Science of Wave Particle Duality Than Not Eat Bread

by SJP

You know that awkward moment when you’re on a first date with a guy and the server brings out a basket of warm oven baked bread, but like, your date doesn’t initiate the bread grazing?  Yeah so it’s just sitting there, idle, and of course you want to listen to what he’s saying about his labrador retriever at home that he’s had since college but fuck- the bread!  You don’t know panic until you’ve sat at a 5 start restaurant in NYC and watched a basket of cranberry foccacia go cold before I could get my fat hands on it!   What kind of monster doesn’t  hear the server say it came, “fresh out of the oven” and uncover the linen to enjoy a slice before it cools?

Since I like to make believe I have a few ounces of dignity left, I withhold the temptation to dive in myself.  If that isn’t self control, I’m really not sure what is?  You know, it’s hard to be me.  I know I show strength in the face of bread abstinence for the sake of making a good impression, but to be honest- I’m just a regular girl, pretending to listen while he explains his pivotal but super fucking boring role in the company’s stock value, while I crumble against the urges to consume the entire loaf of bread…