Pretty People Don’t Play Chess But Maybe They Should

by SJP

As it turns out, when you live in NYC and don’t have a boyfriend and another guy blows you off you’re more than likely to get asked out by a low profile cameo actor/producer.  And when he’s not showing video clips on his iPhone of  a web series he produced and edited,  he’s going to engage in deep, creative conversations about life while I’m trying to eat chicken wings and watch the freaking football game.  Needless to say it wasn’t easy to drown my rejection sorrows but I guess it was my fault for intriguing an intellect who doesn’t care about preseason football with my ridiculous Twitter account and loose ideas of writing a book.  I don’t mind going on a date with a guy who’s not into football because my hunger pangs don’t discriminate but it’s like, I’m in the middle of roaring like a Jaguar as they score against the Giants can he please stop asking me about my nonexistent writing goals?

Apparently not because his face was stuck in his phone reading my tweets out loud and laughing.  I was flattered in his genuine interest in my whimsical hobby and eventually became very attentive during half time.  He was actually quite smart and seemed to think that I should make a plan and execute it regarding the growth of my twitter account and beginning to write a book.  I was fully on board with his suggestions and all ears until a big screen to my left zoomed in on the Jets game and a gorgeous Tim Tebow on the sideline.

Sorry, but you lost me at Tim Tebow.

I think LA Film Guy was saying something about watching a documentary called “The Secret” or whatever  but honestly Tebow was looking really tan so I was thinking maybe he went to the beach?  Film Guy went on further about a book with some guys named Napolean Hill and Andrew Carnegie or whatever, while I sat wondering that if Tebow did in fact go to the beach, who did he go with?  A girl?  My date was really an advocate for the power of this book and tried to convince me I should read it which got me sort of excited because if Tim Tebow did have a girlfriend now, it would be in an article that I could read!  Film Guy wasn’t amused with my short attention span.

“You know what your problem is?” He asked rhetorically.

You mean aside from your efforts to hold a creative meeting with me in a sports bar?” I thought to myself with a mouthful of buffalo chicken and ranch.

“It’s that you have all the pieces right in front of you, but you don’t know how to play chess.” He answered himself.

What is he even talking about, I thought while watching the game clock dwindle down to the last 5 seconds, pretty people don’t play chess.  Does anybody play chess anymore?  I’ve definitely seen chess boards but usually being used as an accent piece in a stuffy hotel lobby or affluent home.  That was really the end of the conversation and the end of the night for the two of us but not the end of me thinking about a nerd’s board game.

After I calmed down and stopped drinking/ making erratic cat noises from the excitement of a Jaguar victory, I decided my date was trying to use a deep metaphor on me.  This chess game thing mind fucked me until 3am as I thought it over during an hour long shower that lead me to download the publication my date was so adamant about.  I’m not sure what all this crap is about “success” and “unlocking the stimulus inside of me” but there’s no football on this afternoon so I guess I’ll entertain the LA film guy’s new age bullshit and figure out some rules to chess…